South Africa are No. 1 in Tests, and their coach just called them 'horrendous'

South Africa have just gone to the top of the ICC Test rankings by beating the side they took it from. Coaches have earned a lap of honour for less. Shukri Conrad spent his Newlands press conference declining one.

His record gives him every licence to gloat: ten Test series in charge, one lost, against New Zealand in 2024. South Africa have also now beaten Australia in successive home Test series, which they last did before readmission. Instead, he described his team as if he were reviewing a very talented, slightly unreliable car.

That table is why the "horrendous" line is more than a coach's self-deprecation. South Africa fell behind in all three Tests in some way, and they threw away a 158-run opening stand in the one that decided everything: ten wickets for 171 from a position that should have shut Australia out of the game.

A team that does that and still wins the series is either very good or very lucky. Conrad's point is that it's the first one, but that the batting wobbles will catch up with them against someone. Cricket Fanatics Magazine's account of the same press conference has him saying there were areas in the series where they were "really, really soft". Most No. 1 sides wait until they've lost something before saying that.

Marco Jansen is the ICC's No. 1 Test bowler and No. 1 allrounder, and he was just named Player of the Series. By his own account he barely slept before the final day. If he hoped for a warm tribute from his coach, he got a warm tribute with a trapdoor in it.

It was a joke, but it also has an edge. Jansen struggled for radar in Durban, where Kagiso Rabada was out with a hamstring injury, and was far better once Rabada returned. Rabada took 3 for 39 at Newlands, including two in the first over of the chase. Simon Harmer took ten in the match. South Africa's depth is the reason a coach can make that joke at all.

The most revealing Conrad story of the week came from someone else. Ryan Rickelton finished day three on 8 and looking shaky. Conrad's advice, as Rickelton told it, was that those were eight fewer runs to score the next day. Rickelton made 101 and added 154 with Wiaan Mulder, who also took ten wickets in the series.

Conrad, who is never short of a line for the media, says he says "very little" in team meetings. It's a nice inversion: the talking is done in public, and the dressing room gets the calm.

That bus line is cute, but read it next to what he did after Durban. He dropped Tristan Stubbs and Kyle Verreynne, brought in Marques Ackerman and Matthew Breetzke, and now says "we are still short in certain areas". Ackerman made 95 and 62 at Newlands, and Conrad's verdict on him was that he is "still going to mess things up", delivered as a compliment.

This is a coach who just went to No. 1 and is openly saying the XI isn't finished. Asked whether this is the best version of the side, he said one or two things are still missing.

Then, because no one is allowed to enjoy anything, he moved on to Bangladesh, who arrive in a few weeks. He flagged their quicks on the Highveld and reminded everyone that "every Test series becomes the biggest Test series". South Africa were due to name that squad on Monday.

Our read: the humility is real, but it's also strategy. South Africa are chasing a second straight World Test Championship final, and the fastest way to lose one is a team that believes its own ranking. Australia spent this series discovering what the view from the top is worth once you stop batting. Conrad has noticed. He's just the only man at Newlands who would describe a triumph and use the word "horrendous" to do it.